How Can We Feel Safe? Nervous System Regulation in a World That Fails Women.

I came into my office today ready to continue my work on supporting the nervous systems of Australia’s health workers and carers. 

My own nervous system is still in recovery after a stroke and diagnosis of severe PTSD and burnout in 2020 following over twenty years of rural practice as a psychologist.

I opened my computer and stared at my screensaver - a picture of my children and grandchildren - and just wept.

How can I find and teach nervous system regulation in a society that is inherently unsafe for women?

Another week of reports of domestic homicide and family violence. 

• Thirty women killed by men known to them in the first five months of this year, with the nature of the killings becoming more extreme and violent.

• Two rapists allowed to walk free from court, whilst their victims are condemned to a life of fear, living in a perpetual state of hypervigilance, unable to relax and enjoy a full life. And the impact for other young women?

• The Australian Federal Police Commissioner warning of the speed and growth of radicalised online extremist groups of mostly western, English-speaking young men and boys propagating the vilest forms of violence targeting teenage girls.

• A young footballer who raped a 15-year-old club member in front of her mother and was welcomed back to the club as a valuable member of the team, whilst several girls walked away never to play their chosen sport again.

• Ongoing reports of young children being sexually abused in childcare centres.

• Ongoing reports, in sexual assault cases, of inadequate sentencing, early parole and the reintegration of perpetrators back into their normal lives as though what they did was a minor misdemeanour, whilst their victims live the rest of their lives in a half-life, shut-down, protective state.

• The rise of far-right, populist political parties out-polling others in recent elections - parties that model themselves on Trump-style divisive politics, opposing immigration, action on climate change and recognition of the impact of colonisation on First Nations peoples and the ongoing trauma and inequality it caused.

On top of this - in just one week in my part of Australia - there is the news of the ongoing massacre of Palestinian civilians, with reels showing groups of Israelis gathering to watch the bombings and killings in real time, like some kind of sick, inhumane sport.

The continuation of an unlawful war that violates international and domestic law on several fronts, perpetrated by a President who is a convicted criminal of 34 felonies.

The continued inaction on investigating and charging sexual predators named in the Epstein files, despite the brave testimony of victims - some as young as 14 - and estimates of more than 1,000 victims.

I actively resist reading or watching the news, and yet these stories still permeate through to me, and to my nervous system.

How can we as women feel safe in a culture that consistently fails to protect us?

I’ve spent the past five years researching the impact of long-term stress and chronically high levels of cortisol on our bodies, and I have practised many of the evidence-based techniques myself.

I have written a workshop and online course to share what I have learnt with other health and support workers and carers (the majority of whom are women).

I have seen health and support service budgets cut back time and time again because those in power KNOW that women will not abandon those who need them, so the burden is shifted from the state to the unpaid community, primarily women.

But this burden can no longer be absorbed, and women are burning out and becoming unwell at unprecedented rates.

Health professionals, particularly women practitioners and nurses, have about a 30% higher rate of suicide than other occupations. Rates of stress-related illness and psychological distress are significantly higher in women than in men.

In my work I have tried to help women understand what I call the Multiple Levels of Stress, which brings visibility to the unseen, unacknowledged impact of cultural and societal expectations, ones in which we often feel invisible, undervalued and unsafe.

Today, I’m not sure what the answer is. My nervous system is a little overwhelmed.

But I do know I cannot teach individual women to regulate a nervous system that is, quite naturally and appropriately, responding to an environment the evidence shows is genuinely unsafe.

I suspect the answer lies somewhere in bringing the micro and the macro together, by uniting to support each other, whilst collectively challenging structures and systems that are threatening and dysregulating for us.

I’d love to hear your views.

Tess

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Frequently Asked Questions About Radical Self-Care

How is Radical Self-Care different from regular self-care?

Traditional self-care tends to focus on individual habits and relaxation - things like exercise, rest and mindfulness. Radical Self-Care goes further. It places your caring role within broader societal and cultural contexts, acknowledges the impact of systemic issues like inequality and discrimination on your wellbeing, and treats your own health as a non-negotiable prerequisite to sustainable caregiving - not a reward for getting through it.

Who is Radical Self-Care for?

Radical Self-Care is designed for anyone in a caring role - whether you’re a professional carer, a family member looking after a loved one with a disability, illness or mental health condition, or someone who finds themselves advocating on behalf of others within complex systems. It is particularly relevant for women, who disproportionately carry the burden of unpaid and undervalued caregiving work.

What are the Multiple Levels of Stress?

The Multiple Levels of Stress is a concept that recognises carers experience stress not only from their personal caregiving situations, but also from relationships, environmental impacts, cultural pressures, societal expectations and even spiritual contexts. Radical Self-Care acknowledges all of these layers - rather than treating carer stress as a single, isolated issue.

What are the core principles of Radical Self-Care?

The framework is built around ten fundamentals. These include placing caring roles within societal and cultural contexts, unapologetically prioritising your own wellbeing, practising extreme boundary management, radically selecting your support network, committing to proactive health maintenance, cultivating deep self-awareness, choosing your body and heart over your mind when they’re in conflict, practising radical acceptance, staying connected to the joy in your caring role, and supporting other carers - especially women - to value themselves and their work.

Where can I learn more about Radical Self-Care?

For more information about Radical Self-Care and how to support yourself in your caregiving role, visit www.thrivepositivepsychology.com.au, Thrive Positive Psychology's LinkedIn page or Tess' Facebook page, or sign up for Tess' Carer Fatigue & Burnout course at thrivepositivepsychology.thinkific.com